So my mother came over today to help me color my hair for the very first time. My husband was dead set against it but I wanted some red highlights so we got right down to it.
After she rinsed the color out of my hair she asked me, "Do you have that shower comb I got for you?"
My mother is always buying me CRAP that I don't need just because she found it in the half-off bin at the dollar store.
I did happen to know where the comb was though so I asked my 4 year old to go get it. "Honey, can you go get the comb for us? It's in the drawer in my bathroom where I keep my brush."
She nodded like a big girl and ran off. I was so proud of her.
My mother said, "I could go get it." but I have a rule never to let my mother go upstairs at my house lest she see that the beds aren't made and the laundry isn't folded. I don't want her JUDGING me.
"Oh" I said breezily, "She's a big girl. She can get it." (If it sounds like I was bragging, it's because I was.)
My daughter walks back into the room, pulls something out from behind her back and hands it to my mother. My mother looks at it and stammers, "Uh, that's not a brush" and hands it to me.
Lube. My daughter had handed my mother a bottle of lube.
"Tickle her like a Virgin" Tightening Pleasure Gel to be exact.
Thank God she didn't see the unmade beds.
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