The Untimely Death of Mr. Chin

Imagine if I were talking about vibrators this much in my real life?  To my kids, my boss, my mother, the clerk at the grocery store?   

Thank goodness I have you. 

Here is my second vibrator story.  Don't forget to feel free to leave yours in the comment section!

When my husband and I were first dating he bought me a vibrating egg.  Let me tell you, those things are AMAZING.  I don't care who you are, man or woman, you NEED one of these things.  Click here to see some options (NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Also, use code sexy8 for 50% off and free shipping!)

Anyway, one Friday night we're sitting on the couch and his cell phone rings.  He answers it, talks for a minute and says, "Okay, see you soon." and hangs up.  Then he looks at me and says, "I'm going to go out with the guys tonight."

I kind of flipped out.  I mean, I didn't care if he wanted to go out with the guys but he could have let me know more than 5 minutes before he left so I could make plans and not sit there alone on a Friday night!  (Am I wrong?)

After he left I called my friend Mike (aka ex-boyfriend) and asked him what he was doing.  We ended up going out for dinner.  (Note: I wasn't going to DO anything.  I was just trying to make my boyfriend angry.)

My boyfriend called while we were waiting for our food to arrive.  "Where are you?" he asked.  "Who are you with?" he asked.

I told him and he hung up on me.  I didn't realize it at the time but he had been calling from my apartment.  As soon as he hung up I took one look at Mike and realized that I'd made a mistake.  I threw money on the table for dinner and told Mike I'd catch up with him later.  I walked home, hoping my boyfriend would come back there to get his things and we could talk it over.

When I got there I noticed that his things were already gone.  I found a note on my desk that told me, "Do not go to my sister's house tomorrow (for a baby shower.)  And I want my TAG watch back." 

Beside the note was the vibrating egg that he had given to me, affectionately named "Mr. Chin" for the 'Made in China' emblazoned on his back.  He had cut the cord that connected the egg to the controls.  Mr. Chin was dead.

I ended up tracking my boyfriend down at a local bar.  It was tense few minutes while we spoke.  Suddenly I started laughing hysterically, tears streaming down my face.  He looked at me, unable to see anything funny.  "You," I started, but couldn't finish. 

"What?" he asked, irritated.

"You k..." I tried to choke it out amid the convulsive laughter.

"What?" he asked again.

"You killed Mr. Chin" I managed to blurt out before I doubled up again with laughter.

His angry facade cracked when he smiled.  "Do you want a beer?" he asked.  And I knew everything was going to be okay.

P.S. Dear FTC, I am not getting paid for this. Love, Kit

Comments

[Gamanda]

The horror! Please tell me that he replaced Mr. Chin! Wait, let me guess, after that he felt that he was all the Mr. chin you would need. lame.

[Lauriejenn]

Dammit! Do you think I have excess income to spend on vibrators? Because I don't. But I will. If I can save 50%, NOT buying one would be like flushing money. It will fit nicely in my Coach purse.

[mahmeeee]

i've lurked around your blog ... but now i have to comment.

holy crap woman. my MOTHER had one of those!!! i didn't know what they were.... oh good lord!

on the flip side... 50% off eh?? :D

[Suz]

I would have so preferred that my mother had one of those. I am *still* haunted by the memory of finding a massive industrial sized one under her bed 20 years ago - and it had rotating heads and was a plug in, which probably caused a brown out when she tripped the trigger. Don't ask what I was doing looking under her bed. Even all these years later, all it takes is my sister or me (grown women, thank you) making a vibrating noise while the other one is trying to carry on a conversation with the old lady for complete and total collapse into laughing hysteria and gagging at the same time.

Finding this blog has been the highlight of a crappy week - thank you. I'm in.

[Pauline]

AWESOME! I love, LOVE, the ending to this story. I'm still laughing. Let me know when you celebrate 50 years, cuz you two are so in it for the long-haul.
That's just beautiful. (And yes, I just called a How the dead vibrator story saved my relationship" post "beautiful." I'm cool like that.)

[Twistedbride]

At least you know what happened to Mr. Chin. I've had 3 of my dear little vibrating friends commit suicide. And the third suicide happened during one of my mother's infrequent visits, and I was so traumatized that I blurted out "Fuck! My vibrator committed suicide! Why the fuck do they keep committing suicide?" Awkward moment for me and Mom.

[Jess]

LOL! That is hilarious and a very great story. Poor Mr. Chin.

[I'mYourHuckleberry]

Love it! and thanks..dont know what I'll tell my loving husband when he asks what the package that should arrive in the mail in 8-10 business days is...or the charge on our card LMAO he'll love it in the long run though ;)

Thank you for the code, how awesome! Great prices too! I'll DEFINITELY be shopping there again...dh wants to find vibrating remote control panties (like in The Ugly Truth) LMAO!

[Margie]

A word of advice regarding Mr. Chin-like...eggs.

Buy one with a cord attached.

My girlfriends, in their infinite wisdom, decided I needed a vibrating cock ring for my bachelorette party. The thing that made it go was so tiny and cute and pill shaped, and the man of the hour was nowhere to be seen, so...

The thing finally stopped vibrating three hours later, after rattling around in the weird space my middle finger isn't quite long enough to reach. I managed to calm down enough (and get in a strange enough position) to get it out without an embarrassing gyno visit, but it's left me scarred.

Just sayin'. Buy one with a cord.

[sandra]

I know it is Feb 2010, but I just found this and read Margie's comment. I shot water out of my nose laughing. had to read it again to be sure I got the story right the first time. Good stuff!!