Last night I was out late and when I finally got home at about 11 my husband was still awake. I was surprised because he had slept in that day until 9 because he was so tired so I expected him to crash as soon as the kids were asleep.
I still had some work to do (and a blog post to write) but I stopped to give him a kiss as I went up to my office. His eyes glazed over and he looked at me the way they did in old cartoons when they got stranded on a deserted island, you know, in a way that says, "PORKCHOP."
"What?" I said.
"I've been waiting for you." he told me.
"Ugh." I answered in a way that wasn't probably very flattering but I'd literally JUST gotten my to-do list down to two last things and here was number 3 ready to add himself to the list.
Luckily my husband is not easily offended - or disuaded.
He followed me up the stairs.
"I need 5 minutes to get my stuff done." I told him.
"If you're not here in 5 minutes, Betty may get me." he told me.
That Betty is a bitch.
Anyway, he brushed his teeth slowly and I wrapped my post up quickly and we rendezvoused in bed.
We took it slow. We kissed, we nuzzled, we whispered sweet nothings, we giggled. (Shut up honey, yes you did.)
The foreplay was fun. He touched me just right. SO right in fact that I whispered, "JUST.LIKE.THAT."
At which point his male brain kicked in and thought, "WOW! If she likes that GENTLE RUBBING, she will SURELY LOVE my jackhammer approach!" and he did what could be accurately described as JUST.THE.OPPOSITE.OF.LIKE.THAT.
So I said, "Why do you ALWAYS change what you're doing the minute I tell you it's good!?!?!"
"I DONT KNOW!" he answered.
Don't panic. We got past it.
A few minutes later, things had progressed.
We were in the throes of passion and it was GOOD. It was better than good. It was AMAZING.
I wanted to let him know how much I was enjoying myself but instead I whispered, "Now I'm afraid to say Just.Like.That."
Of course we immediately convulsed with laughter and stopped what we were doing completely.
But you've known us long enough to know that we are professionals.
Eventually we recoved and finished JUST.LIKE.THAT.