Happy Birthday to Me

Monday was my birthday.  I didn't make a big deal about it because I was camping in the pouring rain in Canada and found a bug in my big restaurant dinner.  #truestory

Tuesday we drove home ten hours and the kids didn't fight once.  NOT ONE TIME.  

Now THAT is a fucking BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

When we finally got home I went upstairs to my king sized bed with Sheex sheets and orgasmed just looking at it.

But then it was time for some serious introspection.  Some people take personal inventory on January 1.  Not me.  I feel like January 1 is too arbitrary for something like that.  

So every year on my birthday I look at the past year and try to decide whether or not I'm "better" than I was the year before.

Better can be a lot of different things - healther, fitter, more serene, etc. - but my goal is to be happier with where I am now than I was then.

For the most part I have been able to achieve that.  Even when my fitness and finances took a huge backslide because I took 5 years off from training and the rat race to have kids - I felt like I was in a better spot because I had my family.

Since then it's been harder to judge - I used to have less money but more time with my family, now I travel more but stress less about finances.  Which is "better?"

I'm trying to find a way to balance it - to work hard and make money - but focus more on quality interaction when I AM with the kids.  They're older now and able to have more meaningful interaction - my time with them is not defined by how many diapers I changed - or missed changing - it's defined by how many books I read to them - or let them read to me.  On the other hand they are able to amuse themselves now - so if I dont insist on reading that book - it may not happen.  I have to make more of an effort.

It's easy to let workouts slip.  I committed to running 500 miles this year and am only at 182 with the year 2/3 of the way over.  I need to take care of my body so that I can take care of my grandkids some day.  And to help manage the day to day stress so I am here for my kids.  It's hard to squeeze it all in.

I need to work at my marriage.  I used to date a man who was deaf.  I used to tell him, "You CAN'T hear, but you WON'T listen."  It's easy when you're rushing from point A to point B to assume that the person rushing past you in the other direction is thinking the same things you are.  But that's not necessarily true.  I need to make sure that we find time to talk - even when I know we are going to disagree and that it's not going to be fun.  Its easy to find two minutes for sex but harder to find 45 minutes to communicate.  Sometimes one can take the place of the other - but not forever.  I have a good marriage but I can't count on it staying that way unless I put effort into it.

I need to put a financial plan in place and stick to it.  It's easy when you dont have money to say "I dont need that." but when you have a little more money it's easy to say, "I need that."  Even when it's the same thing you didnt need two weeks earlier.  If I could bring back everything I "HAD TO HAVE" that I definitely don't need now I would be RICH.  (I'm looking at you $150 garment bag and $300 arabic language tapes.)

I need to find a way to spend more time with my friends and family.  I dont know where I'm going to find the time to do all of these things that I'm saying I need to "find more time" to do - so if something's gotta give it's going to be this one - and I'm mostly okay with that.  

Mainly because I have you.

 

 

Comments

[D HArza]

Happy Belated Bday...

[_Bussetta]

Belated b'day wishes!

[Bernadette]

Always love to read your entries but this has got to be at the top of my list. I may start reflecting on my birthday as well. Thank you!

[DH]

From where I stand, your marriage is wonderful.
Not sure if talking more will help, actually!;)
Happy Birthday, MB!

[Ken]

Happy Birthday! I don't do the New Year thing either; also do it on my birthday - December 31!! :-) The fact that you found time to spend time camping in the rain with the family means to me that you should stop beating yourself up about finding time to spend with your family. Have a wonderful year; I know I have because Blogging Dangerously has been a part of it!

[Kez]

Happy birthday! I love your honest reflections.

[redhotwritinghood]

Happy Belated Birthday!!

[SneakersAndPearls]

Happy Birthday!

I know what you mean about kids, family, and time constraints. There is a lot of mommy guilt out there and no matter where you put your time, someone will say you are doing it wrong. Hang in there.