I think this post is hilarious. It also points out that the grass is not always greener. Sure, your man may need a shot of Viagra to get him going and his hips may not enjoy any sudden shifts in position but if gets the job done without littering or talking too much hold onto him.
Thank you to this loyal reader for sending this in.
I’m a 45 year old woman, single for about 8 months after a long term relationship. I hadn’t had sex for about 9 months and no good sex for a number of months prior to that. I had gotten to the point of realizing I needed to make something happen, so I went online to start dating again. For some reason, I am a magnet for younger men. Normally, I don’t really care for younger guys because I get off on maturity, intelligence, and sensuous pleasure. Young guys don’t seem to have the patience I prefer.
This time, though, I made an exception. I’d been chatting with this guy who was 29 and had met him for coffee a couple of times. The sexual tension was extreme and he flirted constantly. I think I kept communicating with him because it was good for my ego but I didn’t feel completely OK with hooking up with such a young guy. One day he must have been particularly horny because he kept texting me all day while I was at work. (Texting, other than for very quick notes annoys me). His persistence paid off, though, because I agreed to meet him that night. He kept texting me his horny intentions until we finally met at my house. Normally, this would have turned me off completely, but my hormones took over and I returned his texts with ones of my own.
When we finally got together, it was ---- crazy. Let me just say that there were a few things I had forgotten about young guys….. the stamina. The need for constant verbal reassurance. OMG. The constant changing of positions. I felt like I had been transported into a cheap porno. At one point during the action, he says “Call me Daddy…. Who’s giving it to you so good?” It took everything I had to not burst out laughing. I just couldn’t do it. I can’t remember what I said, but I can promise you it did not involve the word “Daddy” to a man who was 16 years younger. Between every change in position, he would yank off his condom and throw it on the floor, and then stroke himself for a minute or so, showing off what he seemed to feel was a remarkable prize.
He kept saying things like “you’ll want this cock every night, won’t you?”, and “I’m gonna show up here and fuck you every night, you want that don’t you?” Honestly, all I was thinking was, “It’s about time for you to go and not come back.” Don’t get me wrong, he was definitely getting the job done. But his Energizer-bunny approach was wearing me out and, frankly, he was a little high maintenance in the sack. I’m not used to needing to be a cheerleader.
As the experience drew to a close, he was standing at the edge of the bed and I was laying on my side, one leg straight in the air (in another porn star position). As THE MOMENT (for him) finally arrived, he leapt up on the bed, standing over me, whipped off the final condom of the night, and proceeded to…. Umm …. Share his wealth. ALL. OVER. ME. Even in my hair. What the hell do you say to that? (Other than goodbye, really, Go. Now.) I was torn between laughing my ass off and punching him in the nuts. The hilarity of it all came to a head when he left and I went back into my bedroom and turned on the lights. Imagine 5 condoms and their wrappers all over the floor. Note to self as I’m bending my sore, worn-out body to pick up the remains of the night: This is why I don’t fool around with young guys.