Top 10 things that made me Laugh Lately

So as we've already established Ovarian Cysts + Poison Sumac do not equal mindbending sex.  Here's hoping that we get back to the kinky stuff soon.

In the mean time:

1. My mom came over to make a big batch of spaghetti sauce with me.  I wouldn't let her pour the olive oil because she uses SO much.  She said, "I like at least a half inch of oil floating on top."  I replied, "I'm going to have the kids start calling you Nana BP."

2. The alarm clock is on my side of the bed but I developed the ability to turn it off in my sleep when I was in college so it rarely succeeds in waking me up.  A couple of weeks ago I announced my intention to start going to the gym in the mornings before work.  My husband groaned and said, "If you set the alarm and don't get up..."  I interrupted him, "Oh PLEASE!  The alarm doesn't bother you any more than it bothers ME!"

3. Friday I took my 7yo son into Boston for a walking tour of the location in the book Johnny Tremaine.  As we were driving into Boston we passed a car with the bumper sticker, "Kiss my Bass."  "Get it?" he asked me. "Yes." I said.  "No," he said, "It's like kiss my ASS, but with a B?"

4. We also passed a car with a bumper sticker that said, "We love Back Door donuts."  I'm afraid to google it.

5. My 6yo got an AMAZING final kindergarten report card and I told him that I would get him a present for doing so well.  (In addition to acing his report card he also 'graduated' from the speech therapy he'd been receiving since he was 18 months old.)  Being an impressionable 6yo he opted for a ToyStory3 "Woody" doll.  The day he got it, our 11 year old neighbor was walking by.  My son held his doll up in the window.  All I could hear from upstairs in my office was the 11 year old yell, "Hey D- NICE WOODY!"

6. I had the ultrasound that confirmed my ovarian cyst the morning my son and I went into Boston so he was with me during the ultrasound.  "Is that your belly?" he asked.  I nodded.  "It's black and white?" he asked. I nodded.  "Is that because you're so OLD?" He laughed.  I didn't.

7. My neighbor has 4 kids - 3 of whom line up with my 4 kids.  A couple of months ago when I was at her house my 3yo got too close to her cat and the cat bit my daughter AND scratched her. My daughter was okay but upset. The woman was terribly embarassed.  Last week she invited my children over for a playdate in her pool.  "You don't have to worry about what happened last time." she told me.  "We lost that cat."  "I'm sorry" I told her. "The funny thing is," she told me, "It's been a month and the kids haven't even noticed."  Her kids are 6,5,3 and 1 and NONE of them have noticed the missing cat in OVER a month.  This made me laugh out loud because my husband and I often feel guilty about not having a dog or a cat for the kids to play with - but we don't want to add anything else to take care of.  I'm sorry the cat died but am thrilled that having a mammal for a pet is apparently not that big a deal!

8. My daughter has been talking about Soccer NON-STOP for about 10 months.  She has 10 pairs of soccer socks, she begs for cleats all the time and she got a soccer ball and soccer net for Christmas.  The problem?  Youth Soccer doesn't start in my town until kindergarten so she can't play until the fall. Last week it occurred to me that I'd already signed my son up for youth football but hadn't signed her up for soccer.  I went to the website to discover that it was the LAST DAY for registration.  I signed her up immediately then ran to tell her.  I knew she'd be excited because she'd been at a sport camp that day and soccer was one of the sports they'd practiced.

"I don't like soccer any more." she told me. "Why not?" I asked. "Because I didn't get any goals today." she said.  "You'll get a goal tomorrow." I told her.  "No I won't." she told me.  "Why?" I asked.  "Because I didn't get any goals because I was not paying attention because I was too interested in the dragonflies." she told me. "Oh." I said.  "Well you'd better get interested in soccer because I just paid $80 to sign you up!"

9. My 3yo and 6yo were playing "I'm thinking of a character."  My 3yo daughter said, "I'm thinking of a captain.  And he has a hook."  My 6yo guessed, "Captain Hook!" "Good Guess" she told him.  "Okay," he said, "I'm thinking of someone pink.  And he's a panther..."

10. This weekend at the beach my son walked up to me and dumped a bucked of ICE COLD OCEAN WATER on me.  I jumped up, grabbed him and threw him into the ocean.  He splashed me, I threw him again.  He splashed me again, I threw him again.  He got angry. I said, "If you don't want to get wet, don't splash me."  He stopped.  At home that night I flicked some water at him.  He looked at me dead serious and said, "MOM, you taught me a valuable lesson today.  Don't make me teach it back to you."

Comments

[Wanda Mae (@piggytailmommie)]

LUFF! I linked it on my FB.

[Kimberly]

Too funny. Kids are awesome. Like mine calls his flip flops fuk ups...makes me proud!

[mariam]

reading stories about your makes my pathetic unwed 27 yr old ass want to find a man, corner him, and start making babies. why are your kids so damn funny? :)

[Angi]

that last one....made me laugh so hard my office neighbor had to come over and check on me...that's SO something my son would have said.

[Kate]

Huh. We were thinking of getting my daughter a fish to make up for our own no-pet guilt, but now I might not. Then again, my main concern was that the goldfish would just roll over and die some day and cause my kid irreparable Death-Induced Psychological Damage. If she isn't even going to notice the deadness, then no problem.

[angela]

Should not have read while nursing the babe and keeping my fingers crossed that the toddler on the couch stays asleep. Hilarious!

[G6scrapped]

When my cousin was younger the second Toy Story had just come out and we all went to it at the theater. It was completely packed in there and since we were the 'older' kids we left my younger cousin with the adults and moved to the front. She decided she still was going to yell to us over the crowd though and she screamed "Tricia, Tricia guess what?! I got a Buzz but I ain't got a Woody" I appreciate this so much more now that I'm older lol

[Ali@LastSplash]

While number 5 and 10 were quite funny, I am still giggling at number 4. And really sad that I am at work and scared to google back door donuts,

[Paxochka]

Don't make me teach you lessons, Kit :) I'd love to throw you in the ocean though...

[A]

Was talking with my beautiful baby girl this morning, and she made me laugh and think of you.

Her - Does God wear shoes?

Me - Good question, what do you think?

Her - I think he sits on a big chair all day, but he probably puts his shoes on when he goes to Heaven's toilets.

Because even Heaven's toilets are apparently a bit disgusting and you should wear shoes in them. Am surprised she thinks God uses the public toilets in heaven and doesn't have a private ensuite.

[Nike Shox TL3]

I'm right there with you. So sad about the end of summer. I found a single red leaf laying on the lawn this morning and wanted to cry! B is absolutely adorable and I love this bright fun page!!

[Asics shoes]

Once I met, destined to chance, A visit to life; friendship, A blessing, with all sincerity, In each of the blog, my blessing is a fragrant forget-me-not, collect my every wish sincerely, each, each one blessing, my heart to every detail, every move, each of you, send to deep wishes!

[Nike Shox]

Though our dream is comfrondted using the actuality, you at all times sense agonizing. Just trample around the ache, or you may be beat down by it.

[Jordan Trunner]

Needless to say, absolutely nothing but perseverance can lead a person towards the way of achievement. In other words, a persevering dude in no way does his do the job with out doing well in it. This can be certainly unchangeable reality.