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June 02, 2010

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GiGi

Much braver than I! But good work enduring this for writer's integrity or whatever.

CDG

Thank god there are brave bloggers like yourself to confirm for me that I will NEVER fucking EVER subject myself to that.

If I knew you, I'd buy you a drink. Or ten. Just for saving me the pain.

Kim

Amen to the buying of drinks. Have a bottle or 5 on me. Then get someone else to drive you to the next appointment so it can be a slushy memory :)

D H-Arza

Wow...I feel for you...you are alot braver than me...I have often thought about doing it but never did...Now, I know that I never will...I can't wait to hear if it was worth it at least..

A mommy

Well I must say this is something that I had thought about doing...but now...um I dont think so. Thank you for such detail and talking me OUT of it!!

Dramaindc

This is a horror story! I will need to "man" up now to do the same.

Suz

I remember watching my good friend walk ever so gingerly across the fields at a lacrosse game, drop oh so cautiously into a chair, wince painfully - then lean over to whisper "oh mother of god and all that is holy, I feel like I have a fucking angry tomato in my pants!" Best description of a Brazilian I have ever heard.

Steph

Like I told you last night, you're much braver than me. Thank you for sharing your story and reinforcing why I will never, never, NEVER, EVER do that!! Some places just aren't made to have hot wax near them.

Jo

Could you please give a warning to pregnant women next time you do a post like this? I VERY nearly peed my pants laughing. Not at your pain of course but dear God IN HEAVEN woman, you are some funny lady.

Domesticated Gal

Ugh - first, go somewhere else! If they have you help pull the skin taut it hurts WAY less. Also? ALOE IS YOUR FRIEND. Seriously, find some of that aloe gel you use for sunburns and slather it on.

Dani_Zaz

I used to wax back in the day of being single and agony was acceptable for catching a man. The last I did it, my skin was so sensitive and I looked like the 40-yo virgin after his waxing session. Your post brought back the old anxiety and I think I need a drink!

Maytina

You are hilarious. I have gotten this done on the regular since before I got married. :P Aloe after is good, ibuprofen before is ok the first few times, but it's really not that bad after a few sessions. Now, I'm emailing on my BlackBerry while I'm 'sitting like a froggy' as the little Vietnamese woman says to me. ;)

I always do it on a day when I know my husband is way too busy to be into it so after all these years he still has no idea there is swelling after. Ha!

Jess

I can't say your story doesn't mimic my first time in so many ways! And when I say first time, I mean the ONLY time, but like you, I am totally willing to go back and try it again.

My chick was pretty damn funny, which I am assuming you would have to be to be grooming strange twat. The "lips" were the absolute worst for me! I most certainly came off the table.

In three days you are going to start REALLY enjoying it! Totally worth it for the month!

Nikki

Just so you know, the lipstick line made my rootbeer float come out my nose!

Rachel

Bwahahahaha! Those chicks on twitter who are saying it's not that bad must be either full of shit or have vulvas of steel. I am interested to know if it gets better...

I'm still gonna do it too, once my shaving job grows out a bit.

Kirsten

omg, I'm a week ahead of you, and [ahem] reaping the benefits. I am so happy you are the girl to blog about this, because, well - my blog is just not the place I could.

but yes, holy mother of god, that was THE MOST painful thing I've ever ever ever done. Right up there with delivering a 9.5 lb baby. Not quite, but almost.

this - FREAKING HYSTERICAL.

Gina B.

I've taken it to another level -- I got a LASER Brazilian. Painful, and six sessions, but at least there's numbing cream and it's permanent, which means no waxes for me in the future! ;-)

Michelle

OMG where the fuck have you been all my life and WHY for the love of God have I not found you before this?????

Emily

This is friggin hilarious. "(I put the lipstick on my MOUTH. Sorry if that was confusing.)" BAHAHAHA. I snorted cherry limeade thru my nose on that one!

I love the feeling of no hair, but no friggin' way am I subjecting myself to that. Nope, not going to happen. No way, no how. I will stay my Chewbacca self!

Amy

LMAO. My husband looks all excited if I mention Brazilian, but I'm the kind of bitch that would make him go with me when I got it done. And of course, I'd be making deals with him on the car ride over..."Okay, so for making my snatch as smooth as a baby's butt, you have to make dinner three days a week until it grows out and I have to go back, at which time we WILL renegotiate." But since he wouldn't go with me when I got my nipples pierced, I don't think he'll push the Brazilian either.

agentausten09

ouch! you are much braver than i am! it's something i've thought about--but never had the courage! eek! but more power to you!

D

Ouch. Wow. And Holy Shit I don't think I could ever have that done based on your review! I mean I like things neat and clean, but geez that sounded ridiculously painful and I'm a huge baby.

Oh and the lipstick comment. Hilarious!

Angie @ On the rocks and straight up

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I love having had a Brazilian, but I hate getting them. NOT fun!

If I were you I might consider going somewhere else next time, perhaps a place where there is no language barrier? Also, $30 for a Brazilian seems sketchy to me. I don't know where you live, but I've never gotten one for less than double that (which, in addition to the pain, is why I don't do that all that often).

Love your husband's reaction to the red and swollen. They should know what we go through for beauty, right?

buzzvibe

Dang. Yeah, I think I'll give this a miss. As much as I like having a smooth cooch, I'm a chicken and a total wimp when it comes to pain. Did you remember to collect your Brazilian Badge of Bravery on the way out? ;)

Suzanne

When you said it was an hour west of Boston and only $30 I thought "hmmm...I could make that drive as a nice anniversary present for my husband".

Aaaaaand then I read the rest of the post. I've only had 2 regular bikini waxes in my life and as much as I loved the results I love my lady bits far far more. NOT A CHANCE.

Bee

Well done, Kit, am proud of you :)

Next time, stop off somewhere on the way for Ibuprofen.

Betty

Occasionally I wonder about the whole waxing thing and then I remember that totally smooth is NOT a good look for the chubby among us. I shaved a couple of times and I always felt like I'd gained an extra tummy roll!

Jennifer @ three pugs & a baby

Wow.

Now I kind of want to do it just to see if it's really all that bad.

I'm all wacky that way.

Poppy

I've done this a couple of times and when I got home my husband always asked me the same stupid question. "Was she hot?" Um ya. As I am having hair ripped from my labia I am thinking of what a sexy experience this is and maybe I can describe it in detail later. I guarantee he wouldn't last one pull on the ol' ball sack no matter how hot the esthetician was and I guarantee there would be no movement. Good thing 70's bush is coming back in style.

AlexanderDope

If you're the "Girl from Ipanema" then I'm sorry that you're walking funny and that it's temporarily not true that "when she walks, she's like a samba that swings so cool and sways so gently". Hope the pain goes away and that you're back on your uh...feet soon.

Ellie Di

That's pretty much exactly what I expected. Thanks for confirming my fears and keeping me away from the beauty torturers. :3

MommyNaniBooboo

I went bare for my husband's birthday years ago. Not even a triangle left.
It was painful, then fun for a week, then itchy.
I have yet to do it again. But I feel super cool for having done it once :)
Hmmm... Father's Day is coming up...

thenextmartha

My Lady Biz + Wax = Frozen Hell Snowcones

Donda

That was a hilarious description of something I have just decided I will NEVER do. Thanks for making that an easy decision for me! :)

Roxane

All I could think about after the lipstick line was "It puts the lotion on it's skin." Very applicable and at the same time not.

You seriously crack my shit up. I lost all composure when you hit the ceiling. Tom and Jerry visual right there. Thanks!

I'llnevertell

And this confirms why I will never get my chucky waxed.

Stephanie

Too funny! It does hurt and the swelling is unreal..at least for me. Not to mention I had an allergic reaction to the wax. That was fun! But I must say, I did pay about double what you did, had my own private room, paper panties with some elastic waistband, and the girl left the room for me to undress and spoke english. She talked to me to try to distract me and make it as pain free as possible. But still I was thinking, I can not talk to you about traveling because you are all up in my business and im trying not to cry like a little bitch. The thing that made it 100% better? My sister went with me. Got hers done too. Then we had pf changs afterwards and called it a day.

subWOW

Wow. I have been considering one... but now I am not so sure... Perhaps I'll wait for the sex review to decide!

Alison

I've always wanted to get one. But am not brave enough haha. I did win a Brazillian wax and body kit from a blog.. maybe I should try to do my own. Scary!

Miss Ash

I'm pretty sure I'm too late to warn you, but you're effing crazy.

Wax? And ripping hair? From down there?


(eeeeeeeeeeeek?)

Ahem. At least I can live vicariously through you.

*passes out*

MommyLisa

Never gonna happen to my lady parts.

laurenne

Aaaaah... Nothing like the feeling of some freshly depilated labia. I LOVE brazilians.
You have to find the perfect lady though. Once this chick talked on the phone the entire time. She was out immediately.

Erin

OMG, I must have had my first Brazilian several days after you posted...New reader as of today. Your experience captures exactly what a first timer goes through, I would only subtract the torture part. My lady spoke perfect English, continued to ask me questions etc...until I told her I couldn't concentrate, and then she shut up.

The part I find so funny is that I am already planning on coming back when its time. I too love the results.

Alba

I loved your post, it's so amusing... I am a Brazilian, and I have this procedure every month, and time after time it becomes easier and less painful. Here in Brazil there are professionals who are very delicate and the waxing is relatively quick and painless. But they are rare people to find and a bit more expensive. I found one of these (eight years ago) and since then I only undergo this little 'torture';-) in her waxing salon. Congratulations for your great blog!

verdemama

This is truly one of the scariest things I've ever read. Consider Brazilian Wax OFFICIALLY scratched off my to-do list.

Tink @ tinkhanson.com

Oh, thank you, I needed this laugh tonight! "I put the lipstick on my mouth... not sure if that was clear." I am CRYING.

Cucumberjuice.wordpress.com

I am speechless. Love this post...it's hilarious but still so frightening! I had my first bikini wax - not a Brazilian - last year but I spoke to the wax lady beforehand + googled and peppered girlfriends with questions. I was so scared about something going wrong. I'm relieved to say that my experience and the subsequent ones were good ones; yes there was a stinging pain and some burning after but NOTHING like you describe. Wow. Have you been since then?

Susan-LiseVintageLighting

It is after midnight and my house is quiet--treasured, uninterrupted work time. Instead, I laughed so loudly and unexpedly that my 16 year old came down to find out what was going on... She rounded the corner about the time that I actually snorted! Told her I was slacking off and reading Erma Bombeck... Hilarious! I needed that!!

little cactus

I've done 'sugaring', which is almost the same as waxing, but you cook some sugar into a hard caramel and use it to achieve the same results. The hair is pulled out with the grain as opposed to against it, which is a little less painful, but I don't know how much since I've never waxed. What's really hard is to do.it.yourself. Holy shit. It's really hard to finish. You do know some of the hair follicles actually bleed, right?

Yes, I gave myself a Brazilian, several times. Haven't done it in awhile, the last time was really painful and I wimped out. For now. A smooth cooch is loverly. Hubs thinks so, too.

Skinny Dip

Man, that just described my last waxing experience almost right to a tee.

Its been a few days and I still feel like someone knee'ed me in the lady parts.

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