Except that I don't write poetry so this is just a post about a chair.
When I moved back to Boston from San Diego I knew I wasn't leaving again any time soon so as soon as I'd managed to save some money I started looking for a condo. The first realtor I talked to in Cambridge actually laughed out loud when I gave her my price range. Bad sign.
But not ALL bad because exactly 1 week later she called to tell me that a unit on the other side of the river in Allston had come on the market and was exactly what I was looking for (although in a more geographically desirable area - and by geographically desirable I mean CHEAP)
Except not quite cheap enough - so I DID buy it but I had to get a roommate. I put an ad online and when the first person called I acted like I was interviewing 50 people but the truth is that it was just him. Well, and his girlfriend came with him - later she told me she came with him to make him seem less scary. It worked. He didn't seem scary and he moved in. He was the perfect roommate because he was always at her place.
He only had 3 bad qualities:
1) He drank all of the alcohol in the house when his girlfriend went home for vacation.
2) He made comments about my breasts in front of my boyfriend (now husband) which nearly resulted in fist fights.
3) He had this UGLY YELLOW CHAIR that he insisted on putting in the living room.
To tell the truth I didn't care much about the chair - I wasn't home much. I cared more about the booze because I was young and trying to build a good liquor cabinet and he'd blow through a $30 bottle of Jack Daniels in a weekend and wouldn't replace it.
And if I mentioned it he'd say, "Shut your pie hole." which may be the most infuriating things anyone has ever said to me and it's possible I considered killing him in his sleep.
Anyway, more on him later, this post is about the chair. When he moved in with his girlfriend she wouldn't let him bring the chair so he left it with me for a couple of months while he got settled in and then he said he'd come get it.
During the time I had the condo to myself I had a few dates over. One night I had a guy over and I offered him a drink. While I grabbed a couple of beers for us he sat in the chair. I walked back into the livingroom and handed him the beer. He took my hand and pulled me into his lap. 2 seconds later the chair flipped over backwards and we both landed on the floor laughing,covered in beer and rubbing various and sundry bruises. We cleaned up and moved to the couch.
About a month later I was arguing with someone I was dating on the phone. I was distracted and I tried to flop dramatically into the chair. No dice. That thing flipped me like a pancake and the phone went flying. I was lying there, alone, on my back, listening to him rant out of the phone from the other side of the room.
A couple of weeks later my friend was staying with me for a few days while she waited for the paperwork to go through on her new house. She had just gotten over a divorce and was just starting to date again. It was Friday night and we went out together. A bunch of us were going out and she had arranged to meet a guy she'd seen a couple of times at the bar. I ended up leaving around midnight but she stayed later.
"I'll see you at home" I told her. "Okay" she answered.
I heard them come in around 1. I was tucked in bed almost asleep. I heard a couple of muffled giggles and then the tell tale *WHONK* of the chair flipping over.
In the morning she told me that as she was lying there on the floor, immobile, all she could hear was me laughing from my room.