I've always been partial to naming inanimate objects. Well, not inanimate objects, but ANIMATE objects - you know, things that MOVE me; like cars, and vibrators.
When I bought my first car I named her Gretta because it was a green Jetta. (Yes I got a vanity plate, I'm sorry, I was 23.) Then my mother got a new Ford Probe with a sparkly red paint job. "Hm," I told her. "Your car is red, it's a Probe. His name is Robert. No," I said. "It's 'Ro-BEHR' like the French."
Then I looked at the sparkly paint job and added, "And I think he's homosexual."
She laughed, but she wasn't pleased.
So it's no WONDER that I have to name my vibrators. I mean, I'm INTIMATE with these guys.
I already told you about the late Mr. Chin, who was so named because of his "Made in China" tattoo.
Then, most recently, there was EMERALD, my lesbian lover. She was encased in a soft neoprene casing that made her kisses extra soft. That's how I determined that she was female.
And, as you know, I'm now eagerly awaiting the arrival of Carmen Electra.